Michael's Notes Reveal: He Was Being LIED To!

Notes3A lot is being written right now about those handwritten notes left by Michael-you know, the ones that Katherine Jackson wants admitted into the trial, and for which AEG are staunchly trying to keep out, claiming they are irrelevant  hearsay.

My first reaction was to question the intentions of both sides. Why would Katherine, who has endured a long and bitter trial to “prove” that AEG recklessly hired Muray, want to admit as evidence a collection of notes in which Michael seemingly admits he wants Murray at his side to administer his “drip?”

Conversely, why would AEG fight to keep such evidence out, when it would seem that this could only bolster their case?

I think those answers become clear soon enough, on deeper inspection. Katherine’s attorneys seem to feel confident that jurors will look past this apparent self-admission for the desire of Murray’s services, to what may be their deeper implications.

On the surface, these notes seem little more than the usual manifestos that Michael liked to write. These kinds of inspirational manifestos were a consistent pattern throughout his life, and I see nothing here that in any way deviates from the same grandiose plans that Michael was laying out for himself as early as 1979.





The media, as usual, tends to over analyze everything when it comes to Michael. They will overly scrutinize every phrase for signs of some mental deterioration, or for signs of “desperation”-a very overused word that has popped up in so much of the media coverage of these notes. Somehow, despite all the evidence that Michael was writing these kinds of notes to himself for years, and that it was a practice that had at least partially as much to do with his great success as his talent-and even after being the subject of a recent 60 Minutes episode-the media will continue to view this as “a bizarre practice from a desperate mind,” as well as somehow convincing themselves that each new batch discovered is revealing this practice for the very first time.  The recent New York Daily News article, for example, must have made certain to mention his spelling errors at least a half dozen times-as if anyone edits all of their spelling perfectly when scribbling out a private note that is never intended to be seen by anyone else, anyway!

But in this case, there is, at least, some justification to the use of the word “desperation.” Unlike those similar notes from earlier periods, these do reveal a disturbing distrust of those around him-most importantly, those around him in his final days who were making so many of his business decisions.

The media, for example, will write of his “desperation” with no attempt to answer why he felt the need to write himself a reminder to sign all of his own checks. Or why he was so adamant in his fear and distrust of Thome, a man who we know was in cahoots with Phillips and company throughout the entire proceedings. Or why he states emphatically the need to hire accountants “I trust” and the necessity of meeting them. If we mean “desperation” in the sense that many of these notes reveal the mind of a person feeling cornered and losing control, then yes, they are desperate.

Was Michael In His Final Weeks Being Misled-Either Willfully Or Ignorantly- About The Benefits Of Propofol-Induced Sleep? His Notes Say Yes!
Was Michael In His Final Weeks Being Misled-Either Willfully Or Ignorantly- About The Benefits Of Propofol-Induced Sleep? His Notes Say Yes!

But with all the back and forth haggling from both pro and anti AEG factions, and pro and anti Jackson family factions, and all the media’s psychoanalyzing, it somewhat amazes me that no one has picked up on one of the most blatantly obvious clues revealed by these notes.

In the same note in which Michael insists on needing Murray to provide his “drip” he also says this: “I can’t be tired after procedure, to {sic] important (?), RIM {sic] sleep.”

I am not sure if “important” is the correct word here, since the handwriting becomes a bit illegible for me at that point, and that is why I have put a question mark beside it. But, Michael’s idiosyncratic spelling and penmanship aside, the gist of the message is crystal clear. Michael is saying that the “procedure” Murray performs is important because it will provide him with much-needed REM sleep. He seems genuinely under the impression that no other alternative form of sleep therapy or sleep aid will provide this.

But remember, this is exactly the OPPOSITE of what most real sleep experts claim, and, in fact, was the heart of Dr. Charles Czeisler’s entire testimony back in June:


You may recall that Dr. Charles Cziesler was the sleep expert witness paid for by the prosecution, who testified that in his expert opinion, it was the prolonged and sustained lack of REM sleep that killed Michael, and that even if Murray had not been negligent on the morning of June 25th, 2009, Michael would have had at best a few more weeks before his body shut down, anyway. It was Cziesler’s testimony that led to such Frankenstein-like headlines as “Michael Jackson May have Been The First Human Being To Ever Go 60 Days Without REM Sleep.” But sensationalism aside, there was more than a bit of truth to the claims. Based on Czeisler’s testimony, and what we know from the symptoms Michael was reportedly exhibiting in his final weeks, it became easy to draw the conclusion that Michael’s body was slowly and painfully shutting down as a direct result of having had no REM sleep in over two months!

I've Increased The Size Of The Note Here So You Can See Where MJ States He Genuinely Believes That Going Under A Propofol Drip Will Induce The Things He Needed Most-REM SLEEP!
I’ve Increased The Size Of The Note Here So You Can See Where MJ States He Genuinely Believes That Going Under A Propofol Drip Will Induce The Things He Needed Most-REM SLEEP!

Now that I have seen the above note, it has opened my eyes to an even more ominous possibility. It seems that Michael had been led to genuinely believe that propofol infusions would, in fact, produce REM sleep-the very thing he was most in need of. But who had been responsible for feeding him that misinformation? Did it come directly from Murray, or earlier doctors? And what about some of the self-proclaimed sleep experts that Michael was seeking in his last months, before turning to Murray?

Could it be possible that a genuine belief in this misinformation cost him his life, as well as weeks’ worth of unnecessary suffering? And what of the person who had convinced him? Ignorance or intentional malice?

Unfortunately, as happens so often, this kind of evidence only raises more questions than it answers. But one thing I feel very certain about after having seen this note.

If Michael genuinely believed he needed propofol infusions in order to get REM sleep, he was being fed a load of bull.

The big question that remains is: Who was feeding him that bull, and why?

And to look at the larger picture, it is very clear to me that AEG is more afraid of what these notes reveal, than any potential boost they might have to their case just because Michael seemed in favor of Murray. I just think there are too many powerful people who fear being put under the scrutiny that they know those notes will invite.

And when the media chooses to focus only on what the notes reveal about Michael’s “troubled/desperate/dark state of mind” (take your adjective pick here) they are playing right into the plan.

With Literally Days To Live...If Michael Was Being Misled And Lied To About Propofol Use, Who Was Doing The Lying-And Why?
With Literally Days To Live…If Michael Was Being Misled And Lied To About Propofol Use, Who Was Doing The Lying-And Why?

Michael’s state of mind, whether emotional or psychological, will always be questioned, while the most important questions raised by evidence such as this will always go ignored.


64 thoughts on “Michael's Notes Reveal: He Was Being LIED To!”

  1. Raven, thank you once again for a very interesting read. About a case that I believe has so much more behind it than we all know.

  2. The frustration is we will never know and can only speculate. Another theory might go this way: Testimony in 2011 made it pretty clear that either Conrad did not understand the extreme risks he was taking with a nightly propofol drip or he simply became complacent in his ability to administer without consequence. Not too far fetched to think he didn’t know the truth about REM/propofol and it’s dire effects on his patient due to lack of REM. He had to see Michael’s deterioration and placed blame on Klein rather than himself. In his ignorance, he relayed incorrect info to his patient.

    A more cynical supposition to explain plaintiff’s wish to admit these notes might be that since they focus heavily on Michael’s future plans, would this not bolster claims of damages? Of note here also is that other than a mention of a ‘Last’ tour, touring was not mentioned again…yet plaintiffs estimate of lost earnings rely heavily on touring ad infinitum.

    1. “A more cynical supposition to explain plaintiff’s wish to admit these notes might be that since they focus heavily on Michael’s future plans, would this not bolster claims of damages?”

      This is the stance the media seems to be taking with it. A lot of people believe that they are simply using the notes to bolster their case for the monetary damages being asked for. If that is indeed that case, I think they (KJ and attorneys) are sorely misguided because the only thing the notes prove in that regard is that Michael had big dreams and plans for the future-but had that not ALWAYS been the case? And just as always in the past, some of those ambitions may have reached fruition, but a good many of them would have never panned out, if we are to go by his past history of planned projects. It’s interesting, though, as many have pointed out, that some of the plans he was sketching out at this phase have indeed come to pass, with or without him-for example, the Cirque du Soleil shows and the soda cans.

      1. I recall Branca’s comment sometime ago that they were following a ‘blueprint’ in regards projects that they believe Michael would have approved. Also, ‘games’ were included in his plans and we’ve seen that happen with the popular ‘Dance’ experience and (maybe) the Vegas slot machines.

        Since so much of this trial revolved around $$, it is logical to think that each side might view these notes in that context and how it might
        help or damage their respective cases.

  3. excellent. and I would say Michael’s plans were always more grand than grandiose due to his propensity to realize his grand dreams lol!

  4. MJ’s comment about Rem sleep was the first thing that jumped out when I read these notes: who told him that propofol would provide rem? that is the key.

  5. “Conrad must practice now”–so presumably this was written before Conrad started the “procedure”? Otherwise, he would have already been ‘practicing’ on MJ, and there would be no need to say he must “start” practicing.

    I just wonder of this is in fact the propfol procedure MJ is talking about. I mean, it seems it must be–what else? But on the other hand, the trial has shown MJ had propfol before in other tours and procedures so he must have been well aware how it made him feel, right? Supposedly, there is a feeling of well-being, euphoria, enetrgy. If he experienced this, he would know whether or not it made him tired or not.

    “too important REM sleep”–so why bring up REM sleep if you don’t know what it is and that you don’t have that during propofol? I think he must have known that you don’t get REM sleep under an anesthetic due to all the times he had propfol before, as recently as the dental procedures he had in Las Vegas.

    I just think there’s lack of clarity here about what procedure he is referring to–maybe something with the benzos-lorazepam and Versed? B/c we now CM ordered big qualities of those as well. And he was mixing them with propfol–so maybe this was a sleep procedure that was part propofol-induced and part benzos induced and so somehow there would be REM sleep involved.

    Raven, there are some hints that you don’t explain–what powerful people are you talking about other than CM?

    1. Tohme, possibly Branca, and practically everyone involved with AEG. But I am hedging on Branca only because I can’t say for certain that is who he was referring to when he was writing of signing his own checks. It just seemed that, in general, he had reason to be distrustful of a lot of people around him at that time. And who was around him at that time? Mostly, those connected with AEG.

    2. Seeing that Michael seems to write a lot like me when I am in a hurry, could he really be saying that he can’t be tied to the procedure because he needs rem “rim” sleep.Perhaps he did not want to use it during rehearsal time, but since AEG was demanding that he rehearse he knew he would need to use propfol before he planned to, that is during the tour?

      1. Well, I think we can definitely ascertain from the note that he is saying he needs “REM” sleep.” The reason this cued me in to the fact that somewhere, somehow he was being lied to by those he trusted (i.e, Murray in this case) is because it has been pretty well medically established that propofol does NOT induce REM sleep. Rather, it is like simply falling into a coma. It is not the kind of restorative sleep that the body needs to regenerate itself and repair cells.

        Although Michael had suffered from insomnia for most of his adult life, it was not an issue so much when he wasn’t being pressured to perform. That was one reason he hated touring, because he knew the havoc that touring wreaked on his body and health. Left to his own devices, Michael didn’t mind being up all night, piddling and writing, and falling asleep whenever sleep came. It became an issue during times of intense stress and having to keep a rigorous schedule. He may very well have not used propofol until the tour had he not been under so much pressure to attend rehearsals. Frankly, I don’t blame AEG for wanting him to attend rehearsals. That was part of his obligation (and he had not performed in over a decade, so he needed those rehearsals no matter how much he may have insisted that he didn’t). However, that pressure took its toll on him, and we know the result.

  6. I wonder if Judge Palezuelos will admit these notes. They could be a Pandora’s box, raising more speculation and questions than they will answer. Prior to seeing these notes, I found the video-taped testimony of Dr. William “Barney” Van Valin to be quite disconcerting. I’m sure you know who he is. During his testimony, he said that one day Michael took out a box of Propofol from his bedroom closet and asked Doc Barney if he’d give him influsions of it to help him sleep. Doc Barney was shocked to learn that Michael had been using it for years and even more concerned that he appeared not to be afraid of it in the least. Doc Barney told him that it was dangerous but Michael said it was the only thing that really helped him to sleep. Doc Barney refused. I would like to know who the damn doctor was (I read once that it was Ratner who first introduced him to it during the Dangerous Tour) that would lead him to believe it provided REM sleep. Michael actually came to rely on Propofol as a sleep aid. He had a sleep disorder. He needed to find the best experts who could study him and work diligently to find a treatment that would work and not interfere to a great degree in his career. I really want to believe that Michael was interested in seeking help but his behavior says otherwise. I’m not being hard on him. God knows he suffered in pain every day of his life and he became addicted to Demerol again. When you suffer from serious pain on a daily basis, you get to the point where you really don’t give a damn about whether something is addictive or harmful–you just want relief. I have enormous sympathy for him. I’m also wondering, now, after four months of testimony, if there’s even more to his death than Conrad Murray and AEG. I don’t put any trust in anyone that was in his camp that last year of his life. He was slowly being isolated, his guards preventing fans from simple gestures of giving him notes and encouragement, saying that he was in “touring mode” and really didn’t have the luxury of meeting them even if it was just for a few moments. The more isolated he became, the more control he lost. With his health deteriorting a little bit more each day from the terrible lack of REM sleep, and no ability for any of his family or even close friends and/or colleagues to intervene, there was no way out. Murray was simply a doctor that Michael should NEVER have trusted and AEG is a company who cared less that he might not be able to peform. I think a lot of thought was done behind the scenes, and well prior to pushing Michael to agree to 50 concerts, to run the numbers of what AEG stood to make even if Michael didn’t perform.

    1. Ladypurr9: Regarding Michael “using propofol for years” you should read Debbie Rowe’s whole testimony. With your words it gives a wrong impression what was really said.
      First of all, Michael didn’t use propofol himself because it’s not possible. It’s given i.v.
      Second, Michael received it only TWICE as sleep aid in Munich at the end of the history tour in 1997. It was a decision of doctors (not Dr. Ratner, it was arranged by Dr. Metzger together with 2 German anaesthesiologists), after Michael suffered from severe lack of sleep.
      Third, the rest of the cases where Michael was given propofol was for legitimate purpose for medical procedures, mostly only for a very short period of time (up to an hour, according to DR).
      From these 2 times he received propofol as sleep aid (for 8 hours each), Michael probably thought it’s the only stuff that could help him and that it could be done without danger more often. Apparently he somehow got a box of propofol and tried several times to find a doctor to administer it to him, but he was not successful – until Conrad Murray came along, who probably didn’t tell him the truth about it’s effects.
      This is what we know from the testimonies in the trial. Sorry, I felt that the impression your statement gives needs to be corrected. It’s simply not true that Michael used propofol as sleep aid for years.

      1. @Susanne: Quoting: “It’s simply not true that Michael used propofol as sleep aid for years.” Susanne, how do we really know that to be true? He had a sleep disorder for decades. I’ve read every word of Debbie Rowe’s testimony. It is sad that she and Dr. Metzger’s efforts to put Michael on a path of non-addictive pain-killers was undone during the Dangerous tour by another doctor who threw all their hard work out the window and began injections of Demerol. I’m sorry if you feel my comments give the wrong impression. Certainly I realize that Michael didn’t administer Propofol himself. I’ve been following this trial pretty closely. But, I felt very sad when I read Dr. Van Valin’s testimony. He and Michael became close friends and although I have mixed feelings about doctors being so close with heir patients, I’m comforted that Doc Barney really cared about him and treasured his friendship. What I will reinterate again is that MIchael Jackson needed to experience restful REM sleep. He was led to believe by doctors (questionable doctors!) that Propofol was safe as long as he was properly monitored by them, or an anesthesiologist. My God, look what happened when he “trusted” Dr. Murray? He’s gone!

        I’m certainly out to create a prolonged and “heated” argument about Michael and doctors. My apologies if I’ve offended commenters here. As I said in my first comment, I have the deepest sympathy for him and DO NOT blame him for seeking relief from pain. However, it is no secret that Michael made the decision to seek and use Propofol. If the doctors would have thoroughly explained to him (as Dr. Steven Shafer explained about it during the Murray trial testimony), he would have realized that even though he was knocked out, unconscious, every time he was put under with Propofol, he was NOT receiving the restorative, beneficial REM sleep that his body was literally starving for. While I do believe that AEG should be held reponsbile in part for his death, I think alot of people are refusing to acknowledge that Michael Jackson really DID have responsiblity for his own health. He just made some wrong decisions, was being bullied and exploited by AEG, and out of sheer desperation, he turned to Propofol once again. His holistic nurse, Cherilyn Lee refused his request to administer it. She told him, point blank, (and she broke down and cried while tesitfying!), “Michael, you may not wake up!”

        @iutd: Quoting: “Re the family not having access, MJ saw Joe and L. Rowe at Carolwood on April 14th. He also saw Joe and Katherine on May 15 at a meeting with AEG and L. Rowe. Also the family saw him at the anniversary event.” That’s true, of course, but as it drew closer to June and the rehearsals started to reveal that Michael was having difficulty, AEG’s vice-like grip begain to be frightening for MJ. He shared with June Gatlin that he was being kept from his people, accountants, etc., and she agreed with him that it wasn’t good. He saw what was happening but as his health began to deteriorate, so did his ability to–excuse the expression–kick ass! We all know that he was famous for hiring and firing. Yet, that one person, who he (and AEG) should NEVER have hired, was helping AEG keep that vice strong.

        I’ll be glad when the trial ends. I hope with all my heart that Catherine wins but I dread what the eventual outcome might be. Will AEG petition for a new trial, dragging this out for years to come? It’s all too heartbreaking to contemplate.

        1. “I think alot of people are refusing to acknowledge that Michael Jackson really DID have responsiblity for his own health. He just made some wrong decisions, was being bullied and exploited by AEG, and out of sheer desperation, he turned to Propofol once again.”

          I might agree with you if Michael had self-administered propofol. But he didn’t. Every time he used it, there was a licensed medical professional present. The patient can not be held responsible for the doctor’s lack of professional integrity. All Conrad Murray and the others had to do was say no.

          1. Simba, we all know that life is not without risks. However, anesthesia is tricky. Patients have simply not woken up even when closely monitored. To put oneself at risk, over and over again, trusting doctors to monitor you, is taking a risk, not matter how it shakes out. I’ve only ever been put under sedation once. It was many years ago so I don’t remember being given a release to sign about the risks. A good friend just a week ago underwent cataract surgery. I asked her if she was asked to sign a release and she replied, “Yes, anesthesia can kill.” Again, I have nothing but sympathy and compassion for MJ. I do not hold him responsible for his own death. Clearly doctors took adavantage of him for all the wrong reasons. Thought I’d include this information provided by the Mayo Clinic:

            By Mayo Clinic staff
            General anesthesia makes you both unconscious and unable to feel pain during medical procedures. General anesthesia is commonly produced by a combination of intravenous drugs and inhaled gasses (anesthetics).

            The “sleep” you experience under general anesthesia is different from regular sleep. The anesthetized brain doesn’t respond to pain signals or surgical manipulations.

  7. Raven, when I read the handwritten notes by Michael, I immediately thought of roughly what you have written.

    I think it is just what you have always supported, and that is that Michael was very aware of his choices and about Propofol.

    But as usual it is for him to trust betrayed by the people around him: all but everyone, criminals doctors in the first place.

    And then the anxiety that revolves once again around Thome …. uh I always shudder when I hear it and see it appoint handwritten by Michael even more!

    Listen Raven, I have to ask you a clarification about Rany Philips and P. Gongrave. You know, in Italy there is no information on these things. I understood, in practice, the judge has exempt them as individual entities without leaving the jurors the opportunity to deliberate on them as responsible individuals? Thank you Raven.

  8. There was a female dr. who testified at the trial that MJ asked her for propofol back in 98/99 and she refused. I believe she told him that it did not produce ‘sleep’–I think he was well aware it did not produce REM sleep. That’s why I think he had worked out a special procedure witth CM to use benzos and propofol in stages–rather thsn 100% propofol. Maybe it was first benzos and then when he woke up after 3 hours, go to propofol, or the reverse. This is what happened the night of the 24/25th and the autopsy referrred to the mixing as one of the factors that created the respiratory arrest. Mixing propofol and benzos is risky as hell. But with the benzos he would have gotten some REM sleep.

    Raven–re “practically everyone” at AEG–wow–that is very all-inclusive.

    Re Branca, didn’t he just come back in as part of MJ’s team a few days before MJ passed? I think the note re wanting to sign the checks for 5,000 and up was written back in April and was a direct result of the Julien’s auction of his NL possessions that was cancelled. Tohme wrote a check for 2 MILLION to Julien’s and MJ was very upset. Tohme had power of attorney so there was no way to stop it. The auction was scheduled for April 22nd and was cancelled only a few days before that.

    Re the family not having access, MJ saw Joe and L. Rowe at Carolwood on April 14th. He also saw Joe and Katherine on May 15 at a meeting with AEG and L. Rowe. Also the family saw him at the anniversary event.

    1. “Re Branca, didn’t he just come back in as part of MJ’s team a few days before MJ passed?”

      Supposedly, but there’s no proof of it. Branca has never produced an engagement letter. Branca has said that Michael rehired him during rehearsal the week before he died. But the date cited was a night when Kenny Ortega testified that Michael did not attend rehearsal. Why isn’t any journalist following up on discrepancies like this?

      1. @Simba, regarding the rehiring of Branca at a time Ortega testified Michael wasn’t at rehearsal, there were several discrepancies in Ortega’s testimony about the occasions on which Michael missed rehearsals. At one point, Ortega said Michael missed nearly the entire first half of the month of June, with no explanation. However, it’s well documented (and Ortega must have known) that Michael was working on the Dome Project at another location for most of the early part of June 2009. So I do think it’s possible (and probable) that Michael did meet with and rehire Branca within the time period stated.

        1. It should be equally well-documented if Branca met with Michael during rehearsal. People couldn’t just wander into Michael Jackson’s rehearsals from off the street. Someone in security had to allow Branca in, and it should have been noted in a log somewhere. At all times, there would have been dozens of people around Michael – dancers, singers, crew, musicians, security. Yet, to my knowledge, (and I’ve spent way too much time pondering the oddities in these goings-on) no one has corroborated Branca’s story of meeting with Michael and being re-hired.

          1. Simba, if there had been a contract, it would have surfaced like all the other contracts that Michael signed(or did not sign)before he died or as an exhibit in the trial.
            One of Michaels notes says : Hire accountant I trust and lawyer I want to meet …….caution , caution.
            My guess is that they met but that no contract was signed. Around june 19 Branca writes to all of AEGs employees- and Katz that Michael should not sign anything without him and Katz reviewing it, yet AEG sent the contract straight to Murray and no draft or copy was sent to Branca(nor Michael)which could have been interesting if Branca was indeed Michaels representative. And why did the executors need Dileo and Tohme of all people to sign off papers to reimburse AEG their advance, 3 days after Michael died. Tohme who Michael had officially fired, signed the papers in the capacity of board member of Michaels company, which he never was, with the consensus of the executors.
            And who is to say that the amount AEG presented and was paid, was correct.
            It is clear that it was either never presented to Michael or he never agreed to it.
            Remember this happened before the estate went into probate.
            That is why I think there is no real case against Tohme considering the favor he did both parties.

          2. Sina, I did read that Tohme had multiple functions in MJ’s organization so I do think he was on a board (at least) as well as manager. I assume that the Estate had both of the “managers” MJ had before he died sign b/c theyt were both his magers while the AEG TII tour was in process-Tohme and then Dileo (just guessing here).

            I agree that the contact for CM should have been sent to Branca. On the other hand, MJ had already agreed to the basic terms, hadn’t he, and it was for a relatively small sum compared to the huge sums going around. For example, Kai Chase was making, as a chef, 125k per month–almost as much as CM was going to make, and more than Tohme was making as manager. Actually, I think that was why she was let go for a while, but then came back. To me, that is an outrageous amt for a chef, but what do I know?

          3. IUTD, AEG did not think 150 k was cheap for a doctor. That is why Gongoware checked with Finkelstein who asked a third of Murrays fee and they stalled Murray untill they saw the use he could have for them.
            Michael had agreed only on Murrays fee , but did not know what other terms were negotiated with Murray.
            Btw, for a topchef 125 k is good, but not extreme and a chef works on a daily bases. A doctor usually only attends a patient when he is ill.

          4. As far as I read, Kai was not very experienced as a chef–but anyway, yes, it’s true AEG did not want to pay that amt. but yet they did after MJ refused other alternatives and my opinion if they really wanted to make abig fuss, they could have and would have. As I said, it was not a huge amt when you look at Tohme’s salary (100k/mo) and Kai (125k/mo).

  9. I was sharing this article with others. And someone said that Michael had a lot of interest in medical topics, and a lot of knowledge. Wouldn’t he have researched the drug? I have been told Michael was quite computer literate. And there is enough published about propofol to at least raise some red flags. So why think Michael was being lied to, without taking into account that he had the means and possibility to find out himself he shouldn’t use propofol.

    1. Very good question. He may have known alot more about Propofol than any of us realize. What if he simply chose to ignore the risks? Remember him talking to Deepak Chopra about it, asking him what he knew about a medical procedure that took you to the edge of death and brought you back again?” Remember that statement? Was Chopra lying?

      1. I think it’s entirely possible that Chopra was lying, or at least exaggerating. “The edge of death” statement struck me as melodramatic and not at all like MJ’s way of expressing himself.

    2. That is a possibility, but then I go back to how he seems so self assured in the note that Murray’s treatment would provide REM sleep. It’s more plausible to me that he was being misled by medical experts, than that he was reading wrong information (though, of course, we can’t rule out the possibility). If a doctor I knew and trusted told me something (even if it contradicted what I read elsewhere) I would probably be more apt to believe my physician, and I imagine that would be the initial reaction of many.

  10. It seems as if providence takes care of everything. This is epic.
    Everything that is important to the case is on record, from emails with AEGs conniving ways, disturbing concerns of people in the productionteam about Michaels health, fans letters, fraudulent contract drafts and many many witnesses. Michaels notes give me the chills. As if he personally took care that his voice would be heard.
    I have a feeling that these are only half of the notes he wrote and that there are many more and more revealing ones.
    Why these particular ones were intentionally( ?)revealed, while they are not even(yet)allowed as evidence, is a big question.
    As for evidence, they dont add anything to the question whether AEG negligently hired CM, even if Micahel wanted him as his tourdoctor.
    What Michael was not aware of is what AEG and Murray were negotiating behind his back, the position AEG was taking to get CM to control him. From his schedule. attending rehearsals, to threats about paying CM and using him to get their insurance policy.
    AEG is too big to be that ignorant.

    The misleading facts of propofol and rem sleep started with Metzger. He should never have introduced it to an extreme insomniac like Michael.
    But it seems to be a procedure many in hollywood who could afford were familiar with (re – again- Carry Fishers words.) and many doctors were very willing to provide.
    All the doctors and their aids is another upsetting story. To them Michael was like a guinee pig. It was very disturbing to see the line up of doctors on the stand, all washing their hands in innocense while profiting from him with their books, interviews and free advertisement.

    What these notes tell me is that Michael was very much engaged with his ‘rescue plan’ and that AEG had a totally different agenda. The 40 concerts note are interesting regarding the question whether he had agreed to 50 concerts or not. The signing of Tohme together with Dileo to reimburse AEG is still mindboggling.
    Michael must have felt all these things and took care that justice would be served. His notes are a downright condemnation of AEG, Tohme and Murray. I guess there is more to come.

  11. “As for evidence, they dont add anything to the question whether AEG negligently hired CM, even if Micahel wanted him as his tourdoctor.”
    I meant to say that they do not make a difference to the question whether AEG negligently hired CM.

  12. Clearly Ms. Lee warned Michael about propofol. Clearly Doctors [ medically Higher than Ms Lee ] which Michael trusted because they had a HIGHER Medical License issued by Some State Agency, or club of Medical doctors, gave MJ the WRONG information, for their profit, and clearly AEG Live did not give a damn, but AEG funding the Study done by and relied on by many doctors, that Dr. Early, and a de-licensed Doctor did , probably in anticipation of THIS lawsuit, indicates that “Damage Control” by AEG started Early on, if NOT before June 25th, 2009, soon afterward. Why does a Music Tour Company underwrite a Medical school in Colorado, and then fully fund a study by Dr. Early that supports JUST WHAT AEG needs it to say ? Michael was responsible for his error in TRUSTING Licensed Doctors. but THOSE who LICENSED the doctors should be the Major DEFENDANT, or a Major Defendant. IT is THEIR “licensing” and consent to “practice” that give the credibility, that Michael Jackson the human, “trusted”, more than nurse Lee. It is a mistake thousands have made and died for. IT is the reason, I believe powerful forces worked to make sure “Dr” Conrad Murray was charged with the LEAST form of killing illegally by mal-practice. It was and always will be in my mind, at least 2nd degree MURDER by Murray, and the entire LICENSING “Club”.

  13. orders Murray made (revealed during his trial):

    “The orders . . . spiraled into orders for IV bags, numbing cream, 255 vials of propofol, 20 vials of lorazepam and 60 vials of midazolam. Lorazepam and midazolam are both sedatives. Murray’s defense team claims that Jackson gave himself a fatal combination of propofol and lorazepam without Murray’s knowledge on the day he died.

    ABC News has learned from sources close to the investigation that all propofol bottles found in Jackson’s bedroom or on Murray did not have Jackson’s fingerprints on them. That revelation may deal a blow to the defense’s theory.”

    I am suggesting CM must have wanted the 80 vials of lorazepam and midazolam for something–and IMO tthat something was the REM sleep.

    1. @iutd, I agree. I’ve found it difficult to believe that Murray infused Michael with propofol for sixty days straight and, as you say, he must have ordered the lorazepam and diazepam for something. Ceizler, the expert, bases his opinion that Michael would not have survived much longer on the accuracy of Murray’s claim of 60 days straight propofol. Somehow in Murray’s mind he must have concluded it sounded less egregious to claim 60 days straight use, than to admit the “experiment” he was conducting on Michael by use of the various drugs with propofol mixed in, with Michael believing that he would get REM sleep with this concoction. Also, he was accumulating drugs to take to London, although I’ve wondered how they would have cleared Customs either in US or England.

      1. Yes, I agree the 60 days is suspicious to me too. To get 60 days, you have to go back to late April for a start date, and that is not substantiated as far as I know. I read that CM stayed overnight for the first time in early May. Also 60 is a convenient round number and is in itself suspicious IMO.

        re the 80 vials of lorazepam and midazolam, these were for IV administering. CM also gave MJ oral sedatives, as he said in his interview with police re the last night.

        re Tohme, yes, I hope the Estate can invalidate the disastrous ‘deals’ he made esp. re NL and future earnings, such as percentages of TII. MJ was way too trusting and I think of the horrible deal he signed with Bashir, which gave him no ability to approve or edit the final version of LWMJ, and which he signed without having any lawyer look it over or counsel him.

  14. I’m still hoping to see the deposition testimony of Dr. Metzger played for the jury. He’s the one who secured the services of the anesthesiologists in Germany for the 2X Michael used propofol in the company of Debbie Rowe and has been considered Michael’s “primary physician” for 25 years. Metzger knows a lot more than was revealed at Murray’s trial.

    I don’t know what to think about Dr. Van Valin’s testimony. I’ve read the transcript and he seemed to volunteer a lot of information to the AEG attorneys. When asked only to state a specific time that, per his records, he gave Michael a demerol shot, rather than merely stating the date, he goes on and on about finding a blood spot and a bandaid on Michael causing him to conclude Michael had just seen another doctor for the same purpose, and then saying “I knew he was lying.” His testimony was embellished. He wasn’t asked, but offered up the info that Michael had a box of propofol at Neverland, apparently sent to him via FedEx from Florida.

    And where are Tohme and Klein? And Nanny Grace? These are all percipient witnesses to events in the last several months of Michael’s life and yet, for better or worse, each side seems more interested in calling witnesses from the 80’s and 90’s.

  15. June, precisely. Why hasn’t either side subpoened Tohme, Klein and Grace Rwamba? The last info we have on Grace is that they couldn’t find her. I believe they did locate her but so far, no indication that she will testify. Are both sides purposely avoiding puttiing Klein and Tohme on the stand? Frankly, I would have great difficulty believing anything that Tohme might say.

    Lest any of us forget just how “sleazy” this guy is, here’s an interview from NBC’s Today Show in 2009.

    And let’s not forget who “introduced” Tohme to Michael.

    1. @ladypurr, yes it is not forgotten who introduced Tohme to Michael. It’s in his book, along with the “Two Seas Records” and “Crystal City” deals he roped Michael into while Michael and the kids were in Bahrain, then suddenly bailing out of both (he claims he was pushed out) leaving Michael as yet again a defendant in the sheikh’s breach of contract law suit. It’s so sad to know that even post-2005 Michael trusted the wrong people.

      I believe the Estate’s suit against Tohme for fraud and mismanagement is ongoing. Michael fired him as his manager, yet he hung around ostensibly to secure Michael’s purchase of a home in Vegas, using his power of attorney to set up the Julien’s auction of NL property which fortunately Michael thwarted at the last minute. We can only hope the Estate attorneys have their act together in going after this charlatan.

      Raven, sorry for the digression. Your post re Michael’s notes brings back thoughts of so many wrongs perpetrated on Michael in the last years of his life.

  16. Michael was on Propofol on one hand, but there was also ephidrine found, right? One of my theories about those last weeks, is that Michael couldn’t sleep and was on the iv with propofol, while on the other hand his fruit drinks/shakes were stuffed with ephidrine, causing him to lose so much weight and making his insomnia worse.

    If any scenario in this direction is true, he must have been desperate not being able to sleep. His body and mind were rapidly abandoning him, while all the pressure of those 50 concerts and the ‘do or die’ (Randy Philips comment) situation with AEG were also there.

    1. wow–that is so interesting and thanks for bringing it up. Here are the adverse effcets, and they are increased with caffeine (Red Bull).

      Adverse drug reactions (ADRs) are more common with systemic administration (e.g. injection or oral administration) compared to topical administration (e.g. nasal instillations). ADRs associated with ephedrine therapy include:[15]
      Cardiovascular: tachycardia, cardiac arrhythmias, angina pectoris, vasoconstriction with hypertension
      Dermatological: flushing, sweating, acne vulgaris
      Gastrointestinal: nausea
      Genitourinary: decreased urination due to vasoconstriction of renal arteries. Also, difficulty urinating is not uncommon, as alpha-agonists such as ephedrine constrict the internal urethral sphincter, mimicking the effects of sympathetic nervous system stimulation.
      Nervous system: restlessness, confusion, insomnia, mild euphoria, mania/hallucinations (rare except in previously existing psychiatric conditions), delusions, formication (may be possible, but lacks documented evidence) paranoia, hostility, panic, agitation
      Respiratory: dyspnea, pulmonary edema
      Miscellaneous: dizziness, headache, tremor, hyperglycemic reactions, dry mouth

      Did he get ephedrine in the fruit drinks prepared by Cherilyn Lee? B/c she stopped treating him April 18. Or did the chef Kai keep giving him fruit drinks after that with ephedrine? I wonder what was in the Myers Cocktails Lee gave MJ intravenously.

      Wiki entry says that ephedrine should not be mixed with anti-depressants (lorazepam), so there was that going on probably as well, as you suggest.

      1. The ephedrine, in the form of an ECA “stack”, was ordered by Conrad Murray. I have long suspected that Murray was actively causing Michael’s intractable insomnia. No one has ever questioned Murray about the ECA.

    2. Hoofmark, I doubt that the fruit smoothies that Kai Chase was preparing for him contained ephedrine. He was pretty insistent on holistic, all natural ingredients. He really did want to eat healthy and he wanted his children to as well. Ephedrine is an over the counter herbal stimulant stemmed from the Chinese plant ma huang. While herbs and spices are frequently a staple of holistic and healthy foods, I doubt that Kai Chase would have deliberately included ephedrine in any of her prepartions for Michael and his children. Red Bull is definitely a different story. According to Cherilyn Lee, she urged him to limit them.

      1. Hey guys, what I was saying is ‘just’ a thought. I’m not saying Kai Chase did anything wrong. But regardless of who it was, someone got Ephedrine in the mix (figure of speech). I don’t know if it was in the fruitmix, I don’t know how it got into Michaels system. But I do wonder why someone who’s a heavy insomniac is getting Ephedrine to begin with…

        1. Murray was feeding it to Michael. He had motive, to keep his job providing ‘sleep’, means, as Michael’s physician, and opportunity – he could have slipped it to him every damn day. No one else had all three.

        2. In my opinion, they played a dirty game on Michael: sleeping pills and medications to return awake, smart, ready to rehearse. I wonder how he managed to last this long.

  17. Ponder this….Without a doubt, MJ wrote these notes for his own reasons. Is it a stretch, then, to think he may have written a whole lot more that would reveal his thoughts about what AEG was doing to him, about fearing for his life and perhaps elaborating on his confession to LaToya that he felt “they” were trying to kill him. The big question here is …”Who is the “they” he is referring to”? What if the less-than-honorable LAPD found a whole lot more “personal” stuff and because it could be enormously controversial and points fingers at some very, very prominent and influential people, they “withheld” it or simply made it go away? Thoughts, anyone?

    1. I think the family were in there before the LAPD and some were living there as well for a while, so I think they are the ones with the handwritten notes–these notes came not from the LAPD but from family.

  18. Thank you Raven.

    As an earlier poster said; “we can only speculate”. Speculate on what it would be like to a 45 year veteran in the entertainment business one who had seen and dealt with most, and know or suspect this manipulation, collusion and betrayal was going on.

    There are frequent claims of Michael’s alleged paranoia. With just this as an example I’d say he had excellent reasons and paranoia is not the correct word. Paranoia is defined as: delusions, insanity, derangement, etc,. You are not “delusional” when there is hard evidence that persons around you are working against your betterment. That is fact not derangement. It may cause emotional stress but that does not change those “facts”.

    1. Exactly. I have always had a beef with the media’s attempt to chalk up anything Michael ever had to say against certain individuals or parties as “paranoia.” It is nothing more than an attempt on the one hand to invalidate his fears and suspicions, while on the other, protecting certain individuals (it’s a lot easier to slander Michael Jackson-the public figure-than to risk slandering those associated with him, who as private or even semi-private citizens, are afforded the luxury of protection as well as benefit of the doubt).

      Of course, while it is true that Michael had some very valid reasons to fear and suspect those around him, it is equally true that someone who has lived under these circumstances for most of their life will also, to some extent, become a paranoid individual. The one feeds the other. I would imagine by the end of Michael’s life, it was very difficult to feel that anyone was trustworthy.

    2. Paranoid may not be the correct word; but I think it helps to remember this saying: “Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they’re NOT out to get you.”

  19. Dialdancer.. I agree with you. I also believe Michael was at his most vulnerable too. It would seem that there was no-one with “any clout” on his side this time. Like you say he was a veteran in the business, and I’m sure he realised as time went on, that he was powerless against the juggernaut that was rolling towards him.

    As you say that isn’t paranoia. I get really annoyed when people say it was “just business”. I think the least any of us can expect from business partners is basic honesty and integrity, with the end resulting in benefits for both sides. The more we get to learn about the situation ( thanks to this trial) it would appear that AEG were out to bleed Michael dry.
    Well they didn’t actually do that did they? they just killed the goose that laid their golden egg..

    Whatever the outcome,at least all of this stuff is being documented now.
    Did Michael expect an easy ride? Of course not, in fact I’m sure he was fully aware how tough it would be, and TII must have been one of the most important decisions of his life . Did he think his life would be made a living hell (again) ? I don’t think so.

  20. “One of the dreamers who tried to reboot Michael Jackson’s career says the late King of Pop wasn’t fit enough to hit the stage for the “greatest comeback show ever” two years ago, let alone this summer.
    “It would have happened had I assessed that Michael was capable mentally, emotionally, vocally to do it. At the end of it, we decided no, he wasn’t,” Jack Wishna, president of consultancy CPAmerica and the orchestrator of Jackson’s return to the U.S. after a year spent living abroad, exclusively tells E! News.
    The idea that they danced around from mid-2006 to mid-2007, and again earlier this year, was to have Jackson in residence at a Las Vegas hotel, where he’d star in a concert spectacular called Michael Jackson Presents that would also feature guest appearances by the latest R&B hitmakers.”


    Jack Wishna was responsible for coaxing Michael back to the US. From what I’ve read, he really wanted to help him create a residency show in LV. Now if Wishna felt he couldn’t perform even THREE shows a MONTH, how could he perform 50 concerts, even if he didn’t actually have to tour? If only we could learn the real truth behind the original negotiations. All we hear about is his prescription drug history from a parade of doctors associated with him going back to the Dangerous Tour. There’s so much we still don’t know and I have my own suspicions about a particular mega corporation that has managed to keep its nose pretty clean in terms of culpability. When you are at that level in the entertainment industry, you have no one you can really trust. The dishonesty and ruthlessness was a malignant cancer that just grew over the years. It may sound pretty simplistic, but I believe that embarking on the TII concerts was the perfect vehicle for those who stood to gain the most and finally realize their financial goals WITHOUT a “living” King of Pop.

    If we could only see more of those notes.

    1. Wishna may have been ‘urged’ to make that statement. It wasn’t really necessary. It just reinforces the idea that MJ’s death was inevitable, and no one else was really to blame.

      Jack Wishna was found dead in his car from carbon monoxide poisoning in November of 2012. It was ruled a suicide.

        1. I couldn’t listen to it because the Examiner website is down right now. I will try again later.

          Frank DiLeo had been having health problems for some time. But yes, it does seem odd especially with the number of “suicides” of MJ associates.

    2. It would certainly be possible for someone to regain the health and strength necessary to do 50 shows. It’s just that the time it would have taken to get Michael on the PROPER path to that state would have taken far more time, money, and effort than AEG was willing to expend. They wanted instant results.

  21. I think back to the felon’s trial and Dr. Shafer’s comments that there is no literature or studies on the effects of propofol administration over a number of weeks. Seems to me it would have been, at most, 6 nights/week at most because he wasn’t with Michael on Sundays per the record. Assuming Michael knew more about propofol than the average person, he would not have access to information about the effects of daily admins because there was none…He received the anesthetic in Germany but only for two nights and for procedures that were much shorter in time frame.
    Given testimony by the sleep expert, and the symptoms that Michael was having, it was up to Conrad to recognize what was happening and he didn’t. Or maybe he did and that is why he claims he was trying to ‘wean’ Michael off of it. I continue to maintain that the responsibility lies solely on Conrad for what happened to Michael. Regardless of outside financial pressure or AEG’s pressure to get MJ to rehearsals, he was the licensed MD charged by his Oath to put his patient first.

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